对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…

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对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图

今天分享的是Zoe在2020年暑假上的阅读写作课程里写的一篇得到A+的英语评论类作文。这两个多月里Zoe几乎每周都写一篇小论文,我们会在随后的分享中用文字沉淀和记录。

说回这次的分享。这个课程要求6-8年级的孩子们在3周内完成马克·吐温的小说《哈克贝利·费恩历险记》,而且每周都要根据一个主题完成一篇文学评论文章。这次的分享,是Zoe在读这个文学著作的最后一周完成的小论文。为了完整分享这次写作,我们将从命题作文的命题出发。

从此开始,Zoe要和以往的creative writing(创作性写作),或者日记体的记述文章要做一个切割了。Zoe需要以成熟的方式来分析及阐述自己的观点。行云流水之余,晓之以理,动之以情绝对是一个挑战;其实到这个阶段,使用哪种语言已经不是最重要的了。所以再强调一下,类似的写作训练已经是在锻炼理解、归纳、总结、分析、阐述、共情等多方面的能力。如果你有耐心读完全文,就会理解我们想表达的意思;同时,也能大概对美国中学对学生分析类论文写作的要求和指导方向。个人感觉这个要求是和美国的大学甚至研究生教育思路一脉相承的。

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(1)
上图为白人男孩儿哈克与逃跑黑奴吉姆一起乘坐的小筏子,他们就是这样在密西西比河顺溜而下

老师针对写作规定了题目如下:

Homework: For next week students should finish reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and write an essay analyzing family in the novel.

课程需要孩子们完成整部小说的阅读,并分析小说中体现的家庭观念来完成小论文的写作。写作中可以关注如下几点:

    对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(2)

  • What is the author’s view on family? All students must answer this question.

    作者有什么样的家庭观念?注意所有学生的论文中必须涵盖这个方面的论述。

  • What is the importance of family structures in the novel??

    家庭结构在小说中有什么重要意义?

  • What is their place in society??

    家庭在社会中所处的地位?

  • Do Huck and Jim constitute a family??

    小说主人公哈克和逃跑的奴隶吉姆可以构成一个家庭吗?

  • What about Huck and Tom??

    小说主人公哈克和汤姆能构成一个家庭吗?

  • What do the characters think of family??

    小说中的人物如何理解家庭这个概念?

  • When does society intervene in the family?

    社会在什么情况下会介入家庭?

All students should include their “skeleton format” thesis at the top of their essay!!

所有学生必须在论文写作主段落前标注出主旨结构公式

  • In this essay I will argue that:

    在这个论文中我将讨论:

  • This will show not only that:

    讨论将不止涵盖:

  • But also that:

    并将探讨:

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(3)

下面是Zoe上交的文章分享。首先是文章主旨大纲,就是用下面三个句子完成文章的主旨句。重点是在写作过程中,需要时刻自我检查,看看是否写作是围绕着设定的主旨句内容展开的。不然,文章会显得思想发散,整体缺乏说服力。主旨句这部分我们就不翻译成中文了。但是后面的作文,是中英文对照的。


In this essay I will argue that:

Twain’s image of an ideal family includes love, trust comfort, sacrifice, and most importantly, respect for freedom.

This will show not only that:

Twain indicates the lack of these traits in the traditional families in the novel.

But also that:

The relationship between Jim and Huck resembles all of these traits.

下面是老师的总体评价:

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(4)
老师的评价

以下的分享会大致把Zoe写的英文翻译成中文。因为时间限制,不会进行特别细致的翻译。我们随便翻译一下。Zoe妈觉得每次也搞得挺累。但是因为Zoe在坚持,所以一起坚持吧。


另外,不知道为什么,总感觉本来Zoe写的英文读起来轻松很多,但是一翻译成中文,感觉有种过分严肃的感觉。

“Being a family means you are part of something very wonderful. It means that you will love and be loved for the rest of your life.”-Lisa Weed. Although many people think of family as being blood related to another, it is not that simple. In?Adventures of Huckleberry?Finn, by outlining the traditional family types that Huck encounters during his journey and contrasting them with the unconventional family-like relationship between Huck and Jim, Twain confronts the prevailing family concept in his era and reveals his view on ideal family with core values such as love, trust, comfort, sacrifice and most importantly, respect for its members’ free will.

? ? “成为家庭的 一员是妙不可言的一件事。它意味着你的余生将在爱与被爱中度过。”- Lisa Weed。尽管大部分人认为家庭是以血缘连接的,但其实这事并没有那么简单。在《哈克贝利·费恩历险记》这部著作里,通过比较传统家庭以及主人公哈克和落跑黑奴吉姆之间的关系,作者马克·吐温挑战了其所处时代主导的家庭定义。作者通过这部著作表达了他理想中的家庭体现的核心价值观-爱、信任、自在、牺牲,以及最终重要的一点,即对其他家庭成员自由意志的尊重。

Through his?description of various dysfunctional families by traditional concept, Twain challenges the customary idea of family as the?basic social unit to provide for the next generation and successfully educate/civilize them with preaching and punishment. Family is miniature model?of the society; stable families with the right values will keep the society on the right track. And in order to avoid wrong paths going forward, the right values are to be passed down through generations by family education. Twain?deliberately creates the character of Huck, a 13-year-old boy who has learned a lot from life experience and knows how to survive even when left alone in the wild. Thus, Huck no longer needs pa, a drunk, abusive and morally corrupted figure in the novel who fails to provide for his family as a father. Consequently, Twain demolishes the most primitive form of family which is blood-related, inviting the readers to wonder whether sharing the same blood along is enough for having a stable and happy family.?

马克·吐温通过对一系列家庭的描述,对传统家庭观念提出了挑战;作者认为传统意义的家庭并不能通过(简单的)说教和惩罚承担起所谓抚养、教化孩子的社会责任。家庭是社会的缩影;具备合适价值观的家庭能促进社会在正常轨道上运行;而为了确保社会往后的正常运行,最好也能让合适的价值观代代相传。在这本小说中,马克·吐温特意刻画了一个13岁的顽童,并且赋予了他野外生存的种种技能。这样,13岁的主人公哈克根本不需要他那个经常施暴的酒鬼爸爸;而其实他的父亲也从来没有承担起一家之主的责任。由此,马克·吐温打碎了最原始的血亲家庭模式,并邀请读者一起思考,是否血缘是维系一个稳固和幸福家庭的唯一纽带。

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(5)
哈克的酒鬼老爹

Twain then let the society intervene and find a foster family for Huck where the widow and Miss Watson enthusiastically take up the responsibility to civilize Huck. This arrangement appears to be very reasonable in?a?society?interested?in keeping its wholeness through keeping as many normal families (normal by social standards) as possible. Huck recognizes their kindness but refuses to follow. The author fails the foster family as a backup instrument to civilize Huck since Huck eventually decides to escape in search of freedom.

随后,马克·吐温在小说中让社会介入进来,把哈克安排进了一个寄养家庭。寄养家庭中的寡妇和华生小姐不遗余力地想要教化哈克。这样的安排在作者所处的时代非常合理;社会寄希望于寄养家庭承担起教化孩子的责任,确保社会中有更多稳定的家庭,进而确保社会的稳定。在寄宿家庭里,哈克感受到了善意,但是他并不想屈从于教化。作者借由哈克的出逃,让备选的(寄养)家庭结构也丧失了作用。

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(6)
寄养家庭的寡妇天天絮絮叨叨的想教化哈克,而哈克就一心向往着随心所欲的生活

It’s obvious that for Twain, living under the same roof or even merely sharing same beliefs are not prerequisites for forming a genuine family; and the novelist proves this theory through demonstrating the lack of ideal family values in many traditional families Huck meets along the way.?

毫无疑问,对作者而言,生活在同一屋檐下,甚至哪怕有着共同的理念都不是能够形成真正家庭的先决条件。作者通过对哈克一路冒险行程中遇到的形形色色的家庭进行描述来阐明他的这一观点。

Huck lives with his father in the woods and he runs into king and Duke, two scoundrels that Huck has to live with for some time. Huck’s father and the two rascals only want to take advantage of Huck. For example, seeing that he may lose Huck’s custody, Huck’s father curses saying: “a man’s own son...just as that man has got that son raised at Kay, and ready to go to work and begin to do suthi’ for him and give him a rest,” (p20) It’s obvious that Huck’s father is only interested in exploiting Huck for economic benefits. King and Duke also control Huck as their servant, bossing him around and eventually sell Jim for their own benefit. All family values that Twain approves are lacking in these relationships although the characters live together. A relationship in which the elders only demand and abuse for forced obedience by no means represents the family type that Twain idealizes.?

哈克在野外和他的父亲一起生活,随后的历险中他又遇到了“国王”和“公爵”这两个骗子。哈克的父亲和那两个骗子都想利用哈克。当哈克的父亲看到自己可能失去对哈克的监护权时,他只是抱怨失去哈克就没人任由他使唤了(就像中国人说的养儿防不了老了。尽管哈克的父亲非常自私,自己根本没有尽心养育哈克,他仍然想留哈克在身边干活养活和照顾自己)。哈克的父亲想和哈克在一起只是出于经济实惠上的考量。而“国王”和“男爵”在和哈克相处的过程中把哈克当作仆人,指使他干这干那;最后还瞒着哈克把落跑黑奴吉姆给卖掉了。虽然哈克和这些人生活在一起,但是他们之间的关系都不能体现马克·吐温所推崇的家庭价值。在这些关系中,年长者发号施令,肆意妄为,强制着年幼者服从。这些关系绝对不是马克·吐温理想中的家庭关系。

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(7)
上图为哈克、吉姆、“国王”和“公爵”在小筏子上

Grangerford’s?family lives in very comfortable conditions and they are gentle, kind people. However, they chose to live in hatred and their activities center around a feud while nobody even remembers how it started. Through Huck’s observation on Grangerfords’ morning routine and their comments on their way back from a sermon about brotherly love, Twain ironically shows how a family with extreme order and hierarchy in their behavior, noble in their thoughts and unanimous in their beliefs can become hypocrite slaughtering machines. The message Twain sends out through the story of the Grangford’s family is straightforward - when a family inherits hatred instead of love, when it values honor above true feelings, any seemingly order and harmony can turn into tragedy or even death.??

格伦基福特上校一家过着舒适的生活;他们善良而彬彬有礼。然而,他们却生活在世仇带来的阴影里。尽管他们甚至已经遗忘这种仇恨具体是由何而来,这一家人的所有日常活动似乎都围绕着报仇展开。哈克(通过和这家人一起生活)观察着这家人早上井然有序的仪式(父母如何下楼,男孩子和女孩子们如何轮流给父母敬酒请安);思考着这家人从教堂回来的路上是如何感动的评论着刚刚听完的关于人间互爱的布道(实际上他们来去教堂的路上都实枪荷弹,时刻准备遇到仇家取人性命,且杀人不眨眼)。通过这些描述,作者马克·吐温用讽刺的口吻指出,一个看起来井井有条、长幼有序、道德高尚、思想统一的家庭其实完全可以是一个虚伪的杀人机器。这里,作者通过描写格伦基福特上校一家所表达出来的信息是非常明确的 - 当一个家庭世代相传的是恨而不是爱;当这个家庭把荣誉看得高过人的真情实感,所谓的秩序与和谐瞬间可能变为悲剧,甚至将人推向死亡。

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(8)
冤冤相报的格伦基福特上校家注定没有幸福的生活

Twain’s view on Phelps’ family is positive yet with restraint; Twain?implies that even with a good traditional family like Phelps’, the ideal family is out of reach for Huck due to the social and cultural reality of his era. After a long journey full of dangers and malicious lying, finally Huck could have a rest at Phelps’ house. The family seems to be so perfect, with a responsible, well-tempered father, a loving and caring mother, decent household and enough food. Once again, Huck could be a boy and fool around with his pranks, carefree. However, Twain makes aunty Sally share the widow’s enthusiasm in civilizing Huck. Again, the conflict between what others think is good for Huck and Huck’s free will emerges. Huck takes a long journey to return to the starting point, at the beginning of the story when his previous foster family, the widow, tries her best to educate Huck. To break this socially defined cycle, Twain sends Huck off to another journey since for Twain, a place with no respect for free will is no home.?

马克·吐温对于Phelps这个家庭的评价是正面的,但是也有所保留。作者意在指出在由于哈克所生活年代的种种社会文化限制,哪怕是像Phelps这样的传统好人家也无法成为哈克永远的避风港。在经历了充满危险和谎言的漫长冒险后,哈克终于能在Phelps家安顿一下。这家人看是来是这么的完美 - 一个负责任的,好脾气的父亲;一个爱意满满,体贴入微的母亲;体面的居所和足够的食物。哈克又可以做回一个无忧无虑,到处捣蛋的小男孩儿。然而,马克·吐温特意安排,让这家的女主人萨利姨妈也出于好意,激情满满地想要教化哈克(所谓教化就是给自由的灵魂加上各种限制。坐有坐相,站有站相,读书写字,去教堂。估计这种教化可能有一天会让哈克变得虚伪和彬彬有礼,就像格伦基福特上校一家那样。不得不感叹马克·吐温欲言又止,讽刺到底的造诣)。萨利姨妈和哈克之前寄养家庭的寡妇有着相同的教化人的爱好。马克·吐温再次让别人的好意和哈克的自由意志之间产生了冲突。哈克经历了漫长的历险后又回到了原点,因为小说一开始也是寄养家庭的寡妇一门心思想着教化哈克。为了打破这种既定循环,马克·吐温在小说结尾处又安排哈克重启旅途。马克·吐温认为,对家庭成员的自由意志无所尊重的地方,不能称之为家。

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(9)
13岁的哈克与逃跑的黑奴吉姆

By creating disagreements between Huck and Jim as well as unveiling how they talk through to find solutions, Twain indicates that happy and solid family relationship needs respect for others’ free will and compromise. For example, Jim is worried about getting on the sinking steam boat. However, when he sees that Huck is really interested, he decides to take the risk. By doing so, the two friends lose their skiff and are almost separated. After their reunion, Jim says that he would never go through this kind of adventures again and he analyzes the possible consequences. Huck eventually agrees, saying “he was right; he was most always right;” (p57) Twain’s message here is clear – families don’t build up love and trust through moral obligation nor forced obedience, but rather via attention, communication and mutual concession.?

马克·吐温通过在哈克和吉姆间制造矛盾来展示他们如何通过沟通来解决问题。作者的意图是指出幸福坚固的家庭关系需要建立在对彼此自由意志尊重的基础上,并能相互做出妥协。当吉姆忧心忡忡不想登上已经在下沉的那艘蒸汽船的时候,他发现哈克特别感兴趣要一探究竟。所以吉姆也就决定和哈克同舟共济。可是这样的做法,让两个人丢掉了他们自己的筏子,而且差点就天各一方。当他们好不容易重新聚到一起,吉姆说他再也不愿意去冒这种风险了,而且吉姆还分析了这类风险可能带来的后果。哈克最终承认吉姆的话有道理(想想在那个年代对一个黑奴认错和承认对方比你有道理是有多少难度的一个事情)。通过这类的描述,马克·吐温想表达的是家庭并不是建立在道德绑架和强迫服从的基础上的;家庭成员之间应该相互关注,相互倾听以达到共识。

对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(10)
哈克与吉姆想登上一艘下沉中的船

Huck goes back and forth between his adventures and the raft on which he drifts down the river with Jim. After Huck escapes from the feud, he had a conversation with Jim and both agree that: “We said there warn’t no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft doesn’t. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.” (p88) Twain makes the tattered wigwam the home that Huck always wants to go back to because there, his family, Jim, will always waits him with open arms whenever the boy is tired or hurt from his adventures and Jim won’t judge Huck or hold him up. Therefore, Twain exhibits one of the most important core values he believes that an ideal family should have – respect for freedom. Huck can’t find this trait in any traditional family he comes up with, not even in good Phelps’ family. By establishing mutual respect for freedom in Huck and Jim, Twain eventually outlines the ideal family in his belief.

哈克在陆地冒险和他与吉姆的小筏子之间来回穿梭。当哈克逃离了世仇仇杀的危险后,他和吉姆之间有一个对话。反正那意思就是,这个破筏子才是真正的家嘛。哪里还有比这个筏子更让人放松和愉快的地方了?在马克·吐温的笔下,这个破破烂烂的小筏子上的小破屋之所以成为了哈克的港湾,是因为无论何时,只要哈克感到疲惫和受伤,他总有一个归途,他总能看到张开双臂拥抱他的吉姆;而那双张开的双臂也永远不会成为锁住他前行的绳索。由此,马克·吐温终于展示出他理想中的完美家庭核心价值观 - 对自由(意志)的尊重。哈克无法在任何传统意义家庭中找到这
对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(11)
种共识,
哪怕是那么让人喜爱的Phelps家。所以马克·吐温只能借由哈克与吉姆之间的关系,来构建出他理想的完美家庭体系。

Twain’s portrayal in family does not just end at a relationship by blood. Throughout his novel,?The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,?the reader can see that the ideal family Twain describes provides the love, trust, and the support for each among the members. People within a real family that Twain idealizes will aid each other to become better, yet not change who each of them wants to be. “Family not only need to consist merely those whom we share blood, but also those whom we’d give blood.” -Charles Dickens It’s no surprise that often times, we hear people refer to their close friends as family and that’s who they are.

马克·吐温对家庭的描写绝对不止于原生家庭的种种。作者可以感受到,一个真正的家庭中的成员会彼此有爱、信任、支持,而这些核心价值观也在《哈克贝利·费恩历险记》这部小说里贯穿始终。马克·吐温理想中的完美家庭,他们的成员间一定是相互促进让对方变成更好的人,而并不是一味的期望其他人改变
对标美国中学生英语写作A+小论文,美国中学大学如何训练写作思路…插图(12)
来迎合自己的需求。这里,Zoe引用了查尔斯·狄更斯的一句话,大意我就不翻译了,大家还是看上面的英文体会吧。

码字还真是挺累的。今天就到这里吧。。。

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